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Joke of the Day

"This tub of margarine doesn't believe it's me."

"What do you say when someone asks you to make a fat person leave? ""Piece of cake."""

"My girl stayed true and my dog didn't die, I'm sober ~no country song ever."

"I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ..."

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until you're 12 to come on your face. I'll see myself out now"

"When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise"

"Pretty cool you had a healthy meal while I was eating the icing off an entire cake."

"As a lubricated finger was pushed into my anus, I couldn't help but think... That this wasn't any ordinary vet."

"Why does a cow have hooves but not feet? Cause they lactose."

"At the motel: Front Desk: And here's your key card sir .. Me: I'd like a wakeup call. FD: You're 20 lbs. overweight and your fly's open."