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Joke of the Day

"What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head? I blame my shelf"

"ISIS is not Global Warming... I heard Pratt & Whitney were United tonight. God bless you both!"

"My Girlfriend says I never listen to her Or something like that"

"Why did everyone hate the shoe company? It had no soul."

"how was copper wire invented.... two jews fighting over a penny"

"What do you call a half-white and half-Hispanic baby? A baby."

"Guy runs into a bar, yells ""Quick! How tall is a penguin?"" Bartender says ""Three feet tall."" Guy says ""Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"""

"Why can't Helen Keller drive.... Because she's a woman."

"ME: You're saying I'm not smart enough for this job? BOSS: Well, yes. ME: [points to computer] Just because I can't use the typewriter TV?"

"It just occurred to me that we have to make all the jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker while she's still alive.. Because after she dies it'll be like beating a dead horse..."