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Joke of the Day

"It just occurred to me that we have to make all the jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker while she's still alive.. Because after she dies it'll be like beating a dead horse..."

Next Joke
 
"me: siri, clear my evening appointments, i've got a date tonight. siri: ""lol yeah ok. beep boop beep. gotcha."""
"A guy walks in a library and sees a chunky chick in his favorite spot Guy: Hey I'm Drew, whats your name? Girl: Paige Guy: Paige huh? Well...you look like a whole fuckin book!"
"Disney just announced plans for an animated adaptation of Dante's Inferno They're calling it, ""101 Damnations."""
"You never know what you've got until... you clean your room."
"Why did the kittens turn atheist? Coz their eyes opened."
"boss: why aren't you working? me: i didn't see you coming!"
"Who was the last President of China? Yes he was."
"For job interviews, your best bet is to dress as a pizza delivery person, march in and say ""Who ordered DILIGENCE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL!?"""
"Two bitches walk into a bar. The bartender says there's a collar for both of you."