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Joke of the Day

"""Um guys wait seriously you guys I feel like we should be going the other way they're shooting at us? Um guys?!"" --horses going into battle"

"After several drinks last night, I had a great Buzz. Unfortunately I was no longer able to get a Woody."

"My wife said she's had enough of me because I always get my directions mixed up. So I just packed my bags and right."

"It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen..."

"If a blind girl says you have a big dick.. She probably is just pulling your leg."

"My wife caught me measuring my dick. Embarrassing! It reached just to the back of her sister's throat."

"Newspapers are cool because you can cut out eye holes and spy on people. Try that with an iPad."

"One of the great pleasures of living in a city is walking by a pile of bloody clothes and thinking, ""Someone else will take care of this."""

"How do you know you're at a gay BBQ? The sausage tastes like shit."

"Anyone seen the movie about the female eye doctor who's always naked when she kills her patients? It's called 'Lasik Instinct'."