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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a postmodernist ravioli? An intellectual impasta'."

"Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?"

"friend: ""we should have a drink sometime"" *never contacts them again*"

"If I were God I would say I'm going to fill the ocean with water but when the Subway employee wasn't looking fill it with Sprite instead."

"When my mother was 53 she started running 5 kilometers every day. Now she's 68 and we don't know where the hell she is..."

"Two sausages are sitting in a skillet... One sausage says to the other, ""It's getting a little hot in here..."" The other sausage turns to him and says, ""OH MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!"""

"JACOB MARLEY: 3 ghosts will visit you! ME: do u count? JM: what ME: you're a ghost. Do u count? JM: dude this the kinda shit they don't like"

"Harassment. So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, ""Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"""

"What is a pedophiles favorite Italian meal? Chicken Statutory....I'm going, I'm going...sorry but this is how my brain works before I've had coffee."

"Why did he do that? Who is she? What does that mean? When did that happen? Why? How? I need to go to the toilet. - Child, at the cinema"