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Joke of the Day

"4-year-old: ""Frozen"" is on TV! Me: We have it on DVD. And Blu-ray. And digital download. 4: Yeah, but this one is on right now."

"If your human doesn't feed you immediately, run in front of their feet and trip them up. ~Cats, apparently."

"There are a ton of nihilists protesting downtown today... They're part of the #NoLivesMatter movement."

"video games allow you to journey to wondrous locations straight out of your dreams such as: warehouse, sewer, and subway tunnel"

"A gay guy punched me the other day for no reason. Why? Because gay guys are fucking assholes. I'll show myself out."

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowls."

"""hey man pick 1 or 2"" ""im not picking one"" ""k, 2 it is!"""

"I accidentally called out my mums name during sex and my sister hasn't talked to me since."

"I can wake up at random intervals, crying and hungry too, so fuck you babies."

"Actually, letting your dog run around the yard while wearing your Fitbit increases the numbers waaaaay better than putting it on your cat."