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Joke of the Day

"When I ask for a threesome with you and your best friend, I am only joking... Unless the answer is yes... In which case, can I videotape it?"

"Wow!!! I farted into my iPhone and Siri told me what I had for breakfast."

"What is a jewish golfer's favorite vegetable? A parsnip."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I dunno, but the real question is how'd they get in there in the first place?"

"What was the stressed out toddler diagnosed with? Diapertension"

"Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised."

"I don't like Nazi jokes... ...they're far beyond Mein Kampfort zone."

"I once dated a 3 foot tall model who played a supporting role in Cat and the Hat She was a pretty little thing"

"911, what's your emergency? What do you mean you've been stabbed? People can't do that, that's illegal."

"Brostache117, Penguin_Party12345, D3ATHfromAB0V3x and thewakingforce"