153972

Joke of the Day

"*robbers burst into bank* EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UPDOG *bank manager frowns* What's updog? WE'RE ROBBING THIS BANK WHAT'S UP WITH YOU"

"What do you call a seagull that flies by the bay? a bagel"

"Googled woodworking. Broke my coffee table down and built a birdhouse. Desk is now a birdhouse too. Pretty much everything's a birdhouse now"

"I just apologized for sending someone a text using shouty font because I couldn't remember the term ""all caps""."

"There once was a Little Girl named Sue... She likes a lot of celebrities. But, every person she idolises commits suicide. Because they're Sue's idols! Hahaha?"

"What do you get when you cross a dylexsic, insomiac and a agnostic? Someone who stays up at night wondering if there really is a dog."

"If two wrongs make a right... Then what do two wrights make? A plane."

"My home pregnancy test came back negative. I guess my house is just getting fat."

"I was thinking of shaving my beard But it really grew on me."

"Damn you autocorrect for making me look like an idiom. Always trying to make a tool out of me."