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Joke of the Day

"Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight take a bomb with you. BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?"

"Sex (nsfw) What is the difference between regular sex and anal sex? Regular sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your whole week.. (hole weak)"

"You got 30 minutes to text me back or I'm breaking into your house & responding to myself."

"A man walks onto an elevator There's a woman on it he looks at her says can i smell your feet ? The woman looks in disgust , no! She replies. Oh it must be your pussy then."

"If you can't spell, we can't hangman."

"ME: ppl call dogs ""doggo"" now. i guess its a meme, i dont get it THERAPIST: this is $200/hr. do you want to talk about anything else? ME: no"

"Everyday I get at least 3 people who follow me and then immediately delete their accounts. proposed theory: My tweets kill people."

"I have a phobia of over engineered buildings I have a complex complex complex."

"What Type of Fruit Wants to Run Away and Get Married but Isn't Able to? Cantelope."

"If you're going to throw someone under the bus, make sure it's moving."