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Joke of the Day

"My goal in life is always turn the negative into the positive... which is why I lost my job at the HIV clinic"

"What Pixar movie will Rick Astley never let you borrow? He's never gonna give you Up! Credit to my friend who doesn't even Reddit."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? He was trying to draw the zoophile into traffic. Thanks /u/LFBR for the premise."

"I felt shit today My finger went through the toilet paper"

"Why is money green? Jews pick it before its ripe."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes"

"Why do they call it PMSing? Mad Cow disease was already taken."

"I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk. They're just staggering."

"Joke If I had a quarter for every time someone called me racist I would eventually be robbed by a black guy."

"what is an pirates fav element potassium because pirate doesnt want scurvy. it not argon k?"