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Joke of the Day

"What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass."

"For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m. It's a decent resolution."

"I enjoy reading, long walks on the beach, and getting myself into situations where the only way out is to fake my own death."

"A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal."

"The Pope is hardly the first person to lose interest in their real job so soon after joining Twitter."

"I got a $400 ticket for playing pokemon GO in the car today. Most expensive in-app purchases EVER."

"How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!"

"Boyfriend questionnaire: 1) Have job? 2) Have car? 3) Have goals? If you answer yes to any of the above questions thanks but no thanks."

"In heaven there is never a line at Chipotle."

"What sex position makes an ugly baby? Go ask your mom"