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Joke of the Day

"What's a pirates favourite letter? Ye think it be the R, but 'tis the C."

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"No matter how tired one is, put a computer in front of them and they can stay awake."
"Mall cop wasn't going to let me park in the handicapped space. Then I showed him pictures of me dancing."
"After I have sex, I like my women how I like my mailbox outside my house"
"He: That's a handsome dog. What's his name? She: Roger He: Does he bite? She: No He: How does he eat then?"
"What would call it if all the cars in the country were pink? A pink carnation."
"Why was a 9 year old allowed on a shooting range. In my school yoyo's were banned after Jenny got a black eye doing an 'Around the World'"
"There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE."
"Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes."
"Missus and I splitting. I blame her new job. Ever since she started at EA, our definitions of ""exclusive"" have really diverged."