112579

Joke of the Day

"[me, to my brother] I can't believe we've never been to Coachella [my Ukrainian grandfather] when I your age, bear eat my wife"

"""Doc, you gotta help me, I think I'm a chicken!"" Doctor: ""How long have you felt this way?"" Man: ""Ever since I was an egg."""

"""i want to love you, but i have crust issues."" -pizza on a date i dont know i hate myself"

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say before he went down the mine? I'll be black."

"says if you don't like what you see in the mirror, run the hot water until it fogs up. Problem solved."

"How did my doctor know I have minor IBS? I just asked him to edit my essay; and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy; if he can figure that out from my writing."

"A Guy Doing Push Ups 'One.. Two.. Three..' *A Girl Passes by..* Guy: ""82.. 83.. 84.."""

"Where does Saddam Hussein keep his plates? In Iraq."

"As I slowly remove her panties I think to myself God these don't fit me very well"

"So a rabbi, a bishop, a black guy and a mathematician walk into a bar... ...the bartender looks at them and says ""What is this? Some kind of a joke?"""