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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Felippe Feloppe ... wah wah"
Next Joke
"That spray tan made me smell like burnt hair & cat pee with a coconut twist. If I could bottle this stench, I'd call it Jersey Whore Breeze."
"What's brown and sticky? A stick. I wood've thought of something more original, but I tree-ly can't be bothered, so here you go."
"""WHAT?? You ate the last of the cantaloupe?? This is the worst day ever!"" Can you please stop being so melondramatic."
"I would have won the Junior Olympics too... ..if it weren't for you medalling kids."
"Father: Son, it's time we talked about sex. Son: Sure, Dad, what do you want to know?"
"Why do intersecting lines hate each other? Because they do nothing except making themselves cross."
"Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)"
"When you are on a first date and she says to you: ""I want you to treat me like a movie star,"" it is vitally important to establish which type of movie."
"*comes back with wife's purse* w: I said don't run or people will think you stole it! How many times did you get tackled? m:[bleeding] Twice"