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Joke of the Day

"Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson. If you don't finish something...it's really not the end of the world."

"What did the ascetic say when he broke his fast? [OC] I think I'll go on a diet!"

"You really shouldn't anthropomorphize in animate objects. They really don't like it."

"In 1993, I saw a toddler slip on ice and land on a cat, but I didn't have any social media outlet to tell people about it. So, here it is."

"What's brown and sticky? A stick. ^^^^^I'll ^^^^^just ^^^^^see ^^^^^myself ^^^^^out ^^^^^now"

"Interviewer: So when did you decide you wanted to be a sumo wrestler? Me: When someone tried to get me onto the dancefloor at a wedding."

"What's the difference between a banana and a helicopter? You can helicopter your banana but you can't banana your helicopter"

"I wanted to make a joke about quantum physics, but I wasn't sure if I should. So I did and didn't."

"*incoming text* ""hey bud can I crash at ur place"" Sure come on over *sound of approaching airplane*"

"My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine's Day! So I got drunk..."