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Joke of the Day

"What's brown and sticky? A stick. I wood've thought of something more original, but I tree-ly can't be bothered, so here you go."

"Seahawks on the Super Bowl Hey, so are you guys wanting to win the Super Bowl? Nah, we'll pass."

"My son fell of the couch and said ""I broke my butt!"" So I said ""I get some super glue to fix it."" He said ""ya but it already had a Crack in it!"""

"Time really flies by. Seems like only yesterday I was just a young apprentice-bater."

"What's the scariest path? The psychopath"

"I saw two blind dudes fighting the other day... .. and I yelled ""I'm rooting for the one with the knife!"" Both of them ran away."

"googling ways to dispose of a body,mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen"

"What do you call a mentally retarded chef? A slow cooker"

"How do you make a woman scream twice? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on her curtains."

"I can't believe how stupid that bloke in the Post Office was.... He said that my Parcel was too heavy and that I needed to put more stamps on it like that's going to make it lighter."