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Joke of the Day

"""WHAT?? You ate the last of the cantaloupe?? This is the worst day ever!"" Can you please stop being so melondramatic."

"Dad do you like baked apples? Yes son why? The orchard's on fire."

"What soft drink do pigs like best? Root beer."

"What did Matthew McConaughey say when he got a scholarship? Fulbright, fulbright, fulbright..."

"Pretty cool how there are athletes preparing to head to the Olympics in a little over a month and I just got winded making my bed."

"What's a prostitute's favorite position? Whore-izontal. Zing! This has been a productive day at work."

"why do people keep putting flag overlays on their avatar when tragedies happen? like i've seen it happen with france, brussels, gay marriage"

"I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone... One minute, a Kia. Next minute, Nokia."

"I designed a website for orphans. There isn't a homepage."

"How did the hipster burn his fingertips? He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool. [rimshot]"