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Joke of the Day

"how big is Jared fogel's sex drive? bout 5.6TB"

"How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path."

"21st century divorce: I want it stipulated that he can't change the Netflix password."

"My girlfriend might not be the sharpest girl around. I accidentally left my phone at her house last night. I went back over to get it and saw she had texted me 5 times telling me I forgot it."

"Hey, did you fall from heaven? So did Satan."

"How much for the Ice Cream Scoop? Ma'am, that's a Shovel."

"Kristen Stewart was raised by a pair of vacuum cleaners"

"So this bloke said to me... He said "" I once got my dog to bring back a stick thrown 100 miles away"". I said ""that's a bit far-fetched"""

"I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for someone who can't even see."

"Why did God create men ? Because dildos can't take out the trash."