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Joke of the Day
"She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy."
Next Joke
"When done right parallel parking is a beautiful thing to watch."
"What do you call a band that comes out with a new song 12 times a year? Monthford and Son"
"dark humor never gets old just like a kid with cancer"
"What do cannibals and politicians have in common? They both enjoy handshakes."
"Whats a mans favorite word that starts with 'm' and ends in 'arriage'? A miscarriage! This joke never gets old, just like the baby!"
"[First day as hitman] ME: Don't worry boss, I'll deal with him accordionly. BOSS: Wait, you mean accordingly? ME: *hides accordion* yes."
"Was the principal's brother really a missionary? He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity !"
"First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a t-rex] Her: I absolutely love it when guys open the car door for me Me: Shit."
"[chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way"