193504

Joke of the Day

"Why can't you make something that's sort of like a macaron but not really? Because then it'd just be macaroni"

"I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, ""I'm peeing in here!"""

"What would one call a movie about meth addictions? Need for speed."

"My friend has mexican car insurance. It's called get out and run."

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? I can't marmalade my cock in someones ass."

"The difference between sex and pumpkin carving? In pumpkin carving, one is trying to get all of the seeds out."

"What is heavier -- 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers? 200 pounds of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."

"I am a massive massive MASSIVE worrier. I can't stress enough."

"I buy every comic book I see. . . My friends say I have lots of issues."

"If I moved to Britain right now, I could retire a wealthy man. My bank account has approximately 6,723 dollars in it, which would convert to like infinite British pounds."