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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend thinks I'm a gentleman for waiting for her to go inside before I drive away. When really I'm just letting out about 6 hours' worth of farts."

"All right stop, coagulate and thicken"

"Why do they call a wolf a wolf? Because it goes wolf!"

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""Oh sure, just because I'm a woman means I have to do everything around here. And let me tell you..."""

"Man reading a book: hot Man with a baby: hot Man reading a book to a baby: hold me back my ovaries have exploded."

"I'm doing asbestos I can.. dealing with mesothelioma."

"There are two fish in a tank, one says to the other ""do you know how to drive this thing"""

"I don't understand bow ties. What, is your neck a gift?"

"I went to a dinner party for anorexics. There was an all-you-can't-eat buffet."

"Mom: Why don't you talk to your friend Richard anymore? You used to be best friends. Son: I don't know mom, he's kinda a dick."