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Joke of the Day

"Mom: Why don't you talk to your friend Richard anymore? You used to be best friends. Son: I don't know mom, he's kinda a dick."

"Ever notice it's only ""stalking"" if the person doing the stalking is unattractive."

"What did the overbearing mother melon say to her son and his girlfriend? You Cantaloupe."

"The bartender says ""We don't serve time travelers in here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"Which day of the week do ghosts like best? Moandays."

"Alien 1: ""Did the humans get our message?"" Alien 2: ""Yeah, but they named it dub-step and dance to it."""

"You know what a Walrus and Tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal"

"TIL: To never trust a fart."

"If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself."

"To do list: 1) Change Facebook name to 'No One' 2) 'Like' peoples statuses."