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Joke of the Day

"What did the clock do when it was hungry? Went back 4 seconds"

"I can't wait till I have kids so I can drive slowly past McDonalds and tell them there's food at home when they ask for some.."

"When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived."

"What happened to the two zombies who went on a date? They had a *Necro*mantic** time."

"Do you have a turn down? Turn down for what?"

"Q: Do you know about the book about copyright infringement? A: It had legal binding."

"According to Cunningham's Law, the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the right answer and wait for idiots to tell you you're wrong."

"I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well."

"98% of all band-aids are used to cover up a child's melodramatic bullshit."

"Just bought Rosetta Stone for Starbucks."