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Joke of the Day

"98% of all band-aids are used to cover up a child's melodramatic bullshit."

"What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaains. I'm sorry."

"Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke How do you calculate the escape route of a jew? Chimney Height * Strength of wind"

"Me: Would you consider going out with a guy a little older than yourself? Her: Well of course I would. Why, do you have a son?"

"Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his cock out of the chicken."

"I know you seen me continuously push the ""close doors"" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it's just awkward"

"I'm not homeless, but a lot of homeless things happen to me."

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."

"TRIVIA: The sinking of the Titanic in 1912 cost 1,502 lives. Adjusting for inflation, that would be over 8,500 people today!"

"My life sucks I've got a less-than-minimum-wage job, my best friend has no brain, my neighbor is an asshole, my boss is a stingy bitch, and the worst part... #I live in a pineapple under the sea."