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Joke of the Day

"Do you have a turn down? Turn down for what?"

"Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs"

"An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar... and I only know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it."

"I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground ...so I threw my fries on the ground too."

"Why do North Korean statesmen make for bad lovers? Because they won't hold a public erection."

"She told me if I turned off the light I could put it in her butt I guess I should have let the bulb cool first."

"Where does the cynic go to pray The Cynicgogue"

"This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone."

"My wife and I play this fun game at home where one of us says, ""Could you watch the kids for a minute?"" and runs."

"Malcom Gladwell is going to write a book about politicians as a follow-up to ""Outliers"" It's going to be called ""Out-and-out Liars"""