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Joke of the Day
"Why don't Middle Eastern dogs bite as often? Because they Muslim."
Next Joke
"I told my dog to sit . . . . . . but he half-assed it."
"""NO YOU'RE DRUNK,"" she says playfully into the mirror, then promptly resumes disappointing her boyfriend's mom at family dinner."
"So the other night I was fucking this girl in the ass, and she said something like ""I love you?"". So I punched her in the face."
"Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. ""Will the defendants please rise"""
"How do you know if a Chinese man has robbed your house? Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later, he's still trying to back out of your driveway."
"DOG BOSS: ur fired ME: wait, is there any way you'll reconsider? DOG BOSS: no ME: u want to go for a ride in the car DOG BOSS: *tilts head*"
"I tried to write with my broken pencil today it was pointless"
"""To be is to do"" - Socrates. ""To do is to be"" - Nietzsche. ""Do be do be do"" - Sinatra. ""Beep beep beep"" - R2D2."
"The reason I don't like police officers... Everyone that has ever arrested me has been a police officer."