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Joke of the Day

"""To be is to do"" - Socrates. ""To do is to be"" - Nietzsche. ""Do be do be do"" - Sinatra. ""Beep beep beep"" - R2D2."

"I was going down on a quadriplegic.... When all of a sudden I tasted horse cum and thought, ""oh Grandma.... so THAT'S how you died."""

"My wife keeps on calling me ""gullible"" and ""financially irresponsible"". So I beat her until she bleed to much then put her back in the closet until dinner."

"I don't even like sports but I'm excited for next year's superbowl... Because it will be Superbowl L"

"Premarital counseling should be having the couple put together IKEA furniture with limited Wi-Fi connection. #weddingparty #romance"

"Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant looks at the menu and says ""okay!"""

"I think my car must be Jewish It always needs to be gassed."

"If gyms paid pretty girls to just sit and clap in the weight section, I bet they could charge anything they want for a membership."

"Intellectual person on phone. Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"

"It makes me sad that the closest I'll ever get to 'hulking out' is splitting my trousers when I bend over."