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Joke of the Day

"dad u make dolphin noises mom u make pinacolada noises grandma u put on this sailboat costume. I told this girl on skype im 16/surfer/hawaii"

"Why did the dictator's plane crash? It was stallin'"

"How do you know when there's a vegetarian at your bbq? They'll tell you."

"Two consonants and a vowel go into a bar..."

"Divorce lawyers all over the world are rubbing their hands together in glee now that Twitter DM has a picture function."

"In 2016 Scott Baio has called Hillary Clinton a cunt, Chris Christie has called her a criminal and Ben Carson has called her a Lucifer worshiper. What will they call her in 2017? Madam President."

"What happened when the car took LSD? It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!"

"Three men walk into a bar... The fourth one ducks."

"If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing."

"If Trump is elected president... He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man."