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Joke of the Day

"If Trump is elected president... He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man."

"I avoid all spoilers for the new Star Wars movie. I won't watch the trailers and... I refuse to watch the movie itself as to stay spoiler free for the rest of my life."

"I am so bad at self-deprecation"

"Why doesn't Kanye West take his wife to the beach? Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him."

"Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because he found it soda pressing."

"Just had a 10 minute argument about the importance wearing pants in public with a 5yo She won, today I wear pants when I take her to school"

"It's been 14 seconds why haven't you replied yet"

"My sergeant just told me this... Im going to get an old car, take a sledge hammer to the back bumper repeatedly , then get a bumper sticker that says ""I brake for tailgaters."""

"Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger But she did move to California in 1849..."

"My secret to sleeping is I put my bed outside When I go to bed I'm always out cold"