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Joke of the Day

"The one thing you can get your dog to do that your wife won't Come"

"Doc I keep throwing up Did u eat anything odd lately No What about that bottle youre holding labelled ""lizard juice"" You said eat, idiot"

"What's red and silly? A blood clot."

"Did you read that story on r/news? [removed]"

"What happens when you put the batteries in backwards in an Energizer Bunny? It keeps cumming and cumming and cumming...."

"You would think that if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster. I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish."

"what do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador."

"Thinking about the first person ever to get drunk. People must have been like, ""COME QUICK! JEREMIAH HAS BEEN STRICKEN WITH AWESOME!"""

"TIL you can get kicked out of the Navy for getting on the wrong vessel just once. Oops, wrong sub."

"What does a cynical Irishman drink? Whiskey sour"