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Joke of the Day

"Doc I keep throwing up Did u eat anything odd lately No What about that bottle youre holding labelled ""lizard juice"" You said eat, idiot"

"You would think gay rights wouldn't be a problem.... With all the fags on the internet"

"why do feminists have two more brain cells than a cow? so when you play with their tits they don't shit on the floor."

"What do you call a singer who enjoys spicy food? Frank Sriracha"

"Did you hear about the blonde who froze to death at the drive in theater? She went to see Closed for the winter."

"I wondered how the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese."

"Morning wood makes the best fire."

"Say ""Rise up lights"" in your normal speaking voice. . . You just said ""Razor blades"" with an Australian accent."

"A pirate is never late.... (x-post from Funny) A pirate is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to. Although admittedly drunk, on fire and uninvited."