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Joke of the Day

"TIL you can get kicked out of the Navy for getting on the wrong vessel just once. Oops, wrong sub."

"I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!"

"What's the most confusing holiday in the hood? Kwanzaa. I don't think anyone has a clue what that holiday is."

"I was driving today... And saw a sign that said, ""Steamed Crabs"". I began to wonder: ""What made them so mad?"""

"I've been getting bullied... and I've been thinking about suicide. I would simply just drink BULLEACH."

"I'm going to the new Tom Cruise movie at midnight. Seeing it on the Edge of Tomorrow."

"Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan."

"My favorite part of Thanksgiving day is when I stuff the Bird. My wife enjoys it too but wishes I'd find another nickname for her lady parts."

"When is a door a container? When it is ajar!"

"How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!"