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Joke of the Day

"If meat is murder... ...then is cake battery?"

"Why were the potato people upset with their leader? He was a dick-tater"

"Justin has his Beliebers. 1D have their Directioners. If I ever had fans/stalkers I'd call them Tomaskateers."

"How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley"

"As a bachelor I learned to separate my laundry into three piles; dirty, not so bad, and I could wear this another two three times if needed."

"If I had a pound for every time i misunderstood an expression... I'd way a fucking ton!"

"*makes sandwich* *sits down to eat it* *sees dog staring at me* *rips off small piece* *gives her the rest*"

"test. don't click. **woah this is thick** *tower of pisa* super^man ~~assassinated~~ [NotPorn](httP://pornhub.com)"

"Sex with a homeless guy is right up your alley"

"They asked me earlier today what is beer made of Unfortunately I didn't know the answer as I barley pay attention to those facts."