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Joke of the Day

"*makes sandwich* *sits down to eat it* *sees dog staring at me* *rips off small piece* *gives her the rest*"

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"What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name."
"What did the cyclops say to the sheep? ""Ewe and eye make a great team."""
"A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich... After finishing his meal, he tries to pull out a gun, but the owner shoots him dead because he's seen this joke on /r/jokes a hundred times."
"Gambling is like a dwarf at a barbecue... ...The stakes are always just too high"
"Getting a dog next week, i'm naming him Peeve It's my Pet Peeve"
"Two ions are walking down the street... the first one says I'm missing an electron. The second one asks ""Are you sure?"" The first one says ""I'm positive"""
"You are what you think you are Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer'."
"I once knew a girl so skinny... that when she swallowed a grape, 3 men left town. (it takes some thought)"
"but how do I know if a guy hates me FOR ME"