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Joke of the Day

"[anniversary dinner] HER: tell me something that will make my heart race ME: my credit card got declined"

"What time is it in Brazil? Oh, it's 7 past Cesar"

"I was raping a woman the other night and she cried out, ""Please, think of my children!"" Kinky bitch"

"What's the difference between black people amd snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them."

"Anytime a religious organization follows me I just assume I'm being used as a case study/example and they are praying super hard."

"What's big and long that a Polish girl gets on her wedding night? A new last name"

"A conversation I just had. Friend - ""My Dad just bought a condo in Afghanistan, what an idiot."" Me - ""Are you kidding? Those real estate prices are set to explode."""

"What do defensive linemen and porn stars have in common? At some point both of them have said to themselves ""This sack is going to make my career."""

"If you need a ride to the airport, give me at least two weeks notice so I'll have a chance to clear my schedule and die"

"Did you know people that often misspell have the same blood type? Type-O"