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Joke of the Day

"Rules of the metal shop If it's glowing and metal, it's probably hot. Don't put your fingers where you wouldn't put your dick."

"Am - hello - goodbye"

"*toy container falls off ship* *Lego bricks wash ashore on a beach full of barefoot swimmers* *president declares a national emergency*"

"I got a book for Hanukkah today It was the diary of Anne Frank"

"What's the difference between tulips and roses? roses hurt when your dick is between them."

"[God creating spiders] What if I made a tiny land octopus that could walk on walls?"

"Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me that ticket? Policeman: It was a moving violation."

"Why are Canadians atheist? Because they are Eh-theists."

"I told my friends that I'm going for a date with a gorgeous girl, and they teased me that she's imaginary. Joke's on them, they are too."

"It must be shit having same-sex parents. You either have twice the normal amount of Dad-jokes, or you get stuck in an endless loop of ""Go ask your mother."""