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Joke of the Day

"*toy container falls off ship* *Lego bricks wash ashore on a beach full of barefoot swimmers* *president declares a national emergency*"

"If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding."

"A blind man walks into a bar. Then a chair. Then a table."

"I deleted all the German contacts out of my phone... now its Hans free"

"What do women and KFC have in common? One you are finished with the breast and the thighs, you still have a greasy box to put your bone"

"Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing."

"How to stop an unwanted DM. Hi, how are you? Me: Well, my ex has me on a wanted list because I'm a psychotic cow, how are you?"

"the only reason Santa is always joyful is because he know where all the naughty girls live"

"Who made this Christmas pudding? Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool. What did he use to make it? Elf-raising flour of course."

"What's the difference between a dirty Greyhound station and a lobster with big breasts? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."