150616

Joke of the Day

"It's so cool how avocados take forever to get ripe then they're ripe for about 15 minutes then they're rotten then I kill all these hostages"

"When I m on a date... When I m on a date, I like to tell the girl that ""I m aviable for a limited time only"" In hopes that her shopping instincts will kick in."

"What ship breaks dangerous ice flows in the Arctic? The Titanic."

"What do you call 4 lepers in a Jacuzzi? Oatmeal."

"What is the difference between 'light' and 'hard'? I can sleep with a light on."

"What did the Mother say to her son when she saw him eating cookies for breakfast? Your Dad and I are getting a divorce."

"How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk? When it's past your eyes."

"So my friend told me I don't understand the meaning of irony... It was ironic because I was sitting on a park bench."

"I renew my ages-old wish that there was a CD of nothing but SNL closing-credits music that you could play to get people to leave your house."

"Why dont't feminists go to church? They can't stand saying ""amen"""