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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk? When it's past your eyes."

"I didn't sleep at all last night I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went... and then it dawned on me."

"I may be getting old but not ""doesn't know what day of the week it is"" old. I can tell by which day I open on my daily pill organizer."

"I just swept a girl off her feet. I'm quite an aggressive janitor."

"All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We'll beg them to beat and gas us, but they'll be like nope, you didn't appreciate it"

"It's only been a few days, but I'm starting to forget everything I knew about Mitch Romley."

"*Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*"

"Q: What do you call a group of people who share bathroom facilities? A: party poopers"

"Easy way to tell GOP actually know their policies are hot giraffe shit is how ashamed they are of George W. Bush."

"Knock knock Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd never forget..."