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Joke of the Day

"My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else."

"*gets caught kissing an optical illusion* it's not what it looks like!"

"A Blanket? It would be a fukkit."

"What do you get when you cross Cleopatra with Marc Antony? Pharaoh-moans."

"Why do we never take the time to thank mislabeled concrete? It's mistaken for granite."

"If you're going to throw someone under the bus, make sure it's moving."

"I just want to be fit enough to reach into my glove compartment, without crying."

"I like my women like I like my whiskey 12 years old and mixed up with coke."

"just ordered so much food the delivery guy gave me four sets of utensils but it's okay I still love myself"

"long joke incummin (LOL) what do christians and right wingers have in common they cant feel the bern"