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Joke of the Day

"Me: I want to do unspeakable things to you. Her: Tell me... Me: Do you know what unspeakable means Lydia?"

"Ricky Gervais has sold the rights to do an 'adult' adaptation of 'The Office' to Vivid Picture. It will be called 'The Orifice'."

"How to scare burglars off. First, put pictures on the wall of you with a tiger. Second, put a cat litter box in your hall and sh!t in it."

"The U.S. instituted a new law after a man dressed as Santa committed a felony. It was called the Santa Clause."

"""There's no I in TEAM,"" he yells. ""There's no COACH in LOCKER ROOM,"" I respond. He leaves in stunned silence, and is never seen again."

"What's a Social Justice Warrior's favorite math course? Triggernometry."

"OMG guys just watched the news and those ""COEXIST"" bumper stickers totally aren't working :/"

"This joke's offensive to the blind and deaf. But how would they know?"

"What happened to the broken down frog? It got **toad** away!"

"How many Vietnam Vets does it take to change a light bulb? What, you don't know? Well I guess you weren't FUCKING THERE, MAN!"