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Joke of the Day

"[wife walks in on me showering] ""Why are you wearing swim trunks?"" No reason. [she glares at me] SO MY TEMPORARY TATTOOS DON'T COME OFF OKAY"

"So U.S. Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia died today while on a hunting trip... ...he must have gone with Dick Cheney."

"What kind of light makes the best US president? A blinkin' light"

"What do you call a greedy roman god? Jewpiter."

"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?? Michael Phelps managed to finish a race."

"What do you call a barnyard uprising? A chicken coup! ;)"

"How to get revenge on a pedophile Give him a taste of his own medicine and start touching his dick instead."

"I was about to sleep with a blind girl when she said, ""You have the biggest penis I've ever laid my hands on""... I responded, ""You're pulling my leg."""

"What does a burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common? Someone that didn't take it out in time."

"Karen on Facebook says... ""Going to the dentist now. Hate having things put in my mouth!!! :("" That's probably why your husband left, Karen."