149904

Joke of the Day

"I've been keeping this a secret for almost a year now because I didn't want to lose friends: I don't work on Mondays."

"I wouldn't let you touch me with a 10 foot pole! No seriously, why do you have a 10 foot pole?! THAT'S NOT NORMAL!"

"At the state fair I realized none of my troubles matter when you dip them in batter"

"Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they're storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It's a lot funnier when they say it."

"Why did the printer have wet ink? Because it couldn't control P"

"What do you call it when you dip poultry and beef in chocolate? Brown-chichen-Brown-cow"

"What's the difference between you and me? You came OUT of your mom's vagina."

"I like my women like I like my Isis victims. Topless. Remember, this is just a joke, so don't be offended. It's nothing to lose your head over."

"""The prisoner is walking down the stairs,"" Tom said condescendingly. ""It's 9:59,"" Tom said pretentiously. ""I have split personality disorder,"" Tom said being frank."

"I like my men like I like my coffee black, ground up and in the freezer."