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Joke of the Day

"""The prisoner is walking down the stairs,"" Tom said condescendingly. ""It's 9:59,"" Tom said pretentiously. ""I have split personality disorder,"" Tom said being frank."

"Never underestimate a well placed ""that's what she said"". Unless your boss is standing behind you. Thanks for the heads up Michelle."

"What happens when a boy comes into a girls house nothing, he just came into her house."

"Did you hear about the blind circumciser? He got the sack!"

"What's long,hard,and full of Seamen ? SS This Dick. naval battalion"

"My dad never really loved me as a child I can't really blame him though ; I wasn't born until he was an adult."

"Well well well, if it isn't the guy who hired me looking over my shoulder, watching me stare at my phone... Brb."

"I can't believe Lou Gehrig's parents named him after a DISEASE"

"Gf: ""You want to know what your problem is?"" Me: *looks at watch* ""Ok, but our dinner reservation is in six hours"""

"If you really think about it. Its kind of weird ""yoga pants"" are worn so much. That's like a guy wearing baseball pants to go get groceries"