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Joke of the Day

"""I've been in 3 emotionally abusive relationships"" Said Dave to his new friend. ""I'm so sorry!"" ""Huh. I had them thinking it was their fault as well"""

"If God had wanted us to drink in moderation he wouldn't have put wine in barrels. #inspiration"

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has its claws at the end of its paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."

"Why did the dolphin commit suicide? Because its life had no porpoise!"

"Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country? He joined the Marine Corpse."

"What's long, green and smells like pork? ""Kermit the frogs fingers"""

"The neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the creepy guy & I'm the only one not invited. Weird."

"Why did osama kill his wife? When he lifted her skirt, he saw *bush* ."

"The Macarena is pretty menacing if you do it in silence in the queue at the bank."

"When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he become? Lone Lee."