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Joke of the Day

"People think it's okay to drive like assholes until we end up at a stoplight together and I'm dropping my rottweiler through their sunroof."

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"Walls are just sober floors."
"Where's the best place to go if you want a little head? The 2016 Olympics."
"What do you call fake spaghetti? Impasta."
"At my new job I have 500 people under me. I mow grass at a cemetery."
"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One is a little heavier and the other is a little lighter."
"This kid in target fell on the ground screaming bc his mom wouldn't buy him candy & now she's yelling for us both to get up and be quiet."
"My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said ""maybe""."
"Donald Trump could very well be our next President. Laugh, because it's a joke, guys. Guys? Guys! ...It's not funny anymore..."
"Q.What do you get when you cross a Fire Chief two Lotus Notes Gurus ? A. FireWeb .... of course!"