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Joke of the Day
"Walls are just sober floors."
Next Joke
"Coming Soon Jason Statham is a reluctant thief with a heart of gold *cue explosion* PUNCH McEXPLODEY CAR MAN *fade to black*"
"A joke is like a frog... ... you understand it better after you dissect it, but then the frog is dead."
"Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like ""always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."""
"Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you"
"How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know the exact number, but many Hans make light work."
"Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are to star in a new film, a murder mystery set at a music festival. It's a Whodunnit."
"Her: I love your lip gloss. What brand is it? Me: *looks puzzled*licks lips* It's donut glaze."
"You hang up ""No, you hang up"" You hang up first! - Bats going to bed"
"John Cena wakes up ... **John Cena wakes up in a hospital** John Cena: Where am I? Nurse: ICU John Cena: No you can't."