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Joke of the Day

"I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote ""dentists are liars"" into my phone. Not really sure what the plan is with that."

"We saw a sign yesterday that said... No wonder your muffler is tired. It's EXHAUSTED !!!"

"Your 'Chemistry' with your girlfriend is great if you remember her 'Periodic Table'."

"Oral relief 'Darling, I want some.... Oral relief.' 'You mean you want a blowjob?' 'No, I just want you to shut up.'"

"How do you make holy water You stab it with a knife over and over"

"The Golden Globes are like the Oscars produced by a former Soviet republic."

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroking Off!"

"1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Say your name is Waldo 4) Leave"

"Dad jokes are amazing/beautiful/magical things!! People today seem to thing dad jokes are cringe worthy but being a dad i feel i must speak out!! So what arr your best dad jokes?"

"If Obama wins I'm leaving the country. If Romney wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political Tweet I just want to travel."