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Joke of the Day

"Oral relief 'Darling, I want some.... Oral relief.' 'You mean you want a blowjob?' 'No, I just want you to shut up.'"

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"What's worst than fingering your sister? Finding your dad's wedding ring inside."
"With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say Make America Great Britain again!"
"Some day, I will meet a woman who loves me for who I am and supports all my dreams. And I'll think, ""Something must be wrong with this one."""
"Quitting smoking is really easy... I've done it like 100 times already"
"Twitter should offer Shkreli his account back for $10,000 and if he agrees say sorry and suddenly raise the price 5600%"
"What do you call a Jamaican gynecologist? A Pokemon"
"What do you do with a no-legged greyhound? Take it drag racing"
"My neighbor just gave us a brand new dining set! I guess he was feeling particularly chairitable today."
"Whenever somebody hits me, I yell, ""Somebody grab the pepper..."" ""...I was just as**sa**u**lt**ed!"""