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Joke of the Day
"1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Say your name is Waldo 4) Leave"
Next Joke
"Two tomatoes were sitting in a fridge... One tomato says to the other: 'Ain't it cold?' And the other replies: 'HOOOOOLY SHIT, A SPEAKING TOMATO!!!'"
"Two Calamari Two calamari walk into a pub. Bartender asks, ""What'll ya have?"" ""We'll have a Hurricane and a Sex On the Beach"" says squid A. Bartender pauses and says, ""That'll be three squid then."""
"Talking to my friend about how useless I am with ladies... Me: ""I even had to stand on a damn ladder yesterday just to kiss my date goodnight..."" Him: ""Wow, was she tall?"" ""No, she hung herself."""
"Step 1: Walk on water. Step 2: Turn water into wine. Step 3: Prophet"
"My girlfriend acts like a 14 year old in bed Even though she is 12"
"{Text} Me: Come home soon baby, I'm dressed like Leia.. Him: So turned on, I am.. Me: If you show up dressed like Yoda it's not happening"
"I'm claustrophobic... I'm afraid of Santa."
"A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" the pirate responds ""ARGH! it drives me nuts!"""
"What's the difference between an orange and a baby? You don't fuck an orange after you peel its skin. Credits go to my friend for telling me."